#8: I choose Resolution D
First things first: Happy New Year!
Second things second: Sorry I sent you all the Happy Holidays card approximately 7,000 times a piece. I kept getting an error message when I hit the send button so I clicked it until it said it had sent the message. Apparently you only get the confirmation notice on the eighth time the greeting is sent. But don't you worry. The computer and I, we had words.
So has everyone made the requisite resolution to a) lose weight b) spend less money c) spend more time with the family or d) screw New Year's resolutions and have another beer?
I, myself (as opposed to the other "I" here), have decided to become less needy. No longer will I need others' approval and/or affection. I am my own woman and can make my choices and goals based on my own opinion and not worry about what others will think.
Right.
Good.
Oh, who am I kidding? Love me! Praise me! Tell me I'm wonderful! But, of course, tell me the truth. (Legal disclaimer: The previous statements are a slight rip off of a Shel Silverstein poem. No profits will be made by the writer by using said slight rip off. Nor does the writer intend any ill will toward the real author nor the real author's fans. The writer just does not currently have access to the proper book to properly quote the proper poem. Properly.)
I took down our fake Christmas tree on New Year's day as sort of a cleansing, out with the old, I'm sick of looking at it, sort of thing. And this year I was bound and determined, no matter what my mom said, that I would get the damn lights off the damn tree before I put it back in the damn box.
Now, this may sound like an easy task to the uninformed reader. "Why, I take my lights off the tree every year you silly goose, it shouldn't be that hard," you would say to me. I would then glare at you and probably give you the finger as I explained that this tree was bought ten years ago straight off the floor at Bachmann's After Christmas Sale. Not only did they not have the right box for the tree, but they had also "professionally" strung the lights. If someone tells you that they have "professionally" strung lights on a tree, beware. It means they are Satan and they wrapped lights around every single branch twenty times, so tightly that the green plastic covering on the wires has stretched to white and you have no hope of ever (I said EVER) getting them off again. Especially if they go out.
So every year when I take the tree down, I look at it and think, gee I wish I could reposition or replace that strand. And then I sigh and put the tree away because I know it is useless.
I don't know what got into me this year. Most likely my mom telling me I'd never get the lights off. Well, I thought, I'll be damned if I don't try.
So three hours, hundreds of cuss words and stripped fake pine needles later, I had taken the damn lights off the damn tree. My hands were covered in an unusual rash (seriously, what kind of chemicals are they putting on fake trees that can still cause rashes 10 years after you buy it?) and I stepped on several lights in stocking feet, but the damn tree is bare damn it!
I think next year I'll buy a real tree.
My company is hiring a new girl. I met her briefly last week. I am sure she is a very nice person. She recently graduated from my college. She is younger than me. And much cuter.
Bitch.
(Prepare for immature, whiney rant)
I like being the youngest, cutest girl here! I like that everyone always compliments me on my clothes and how nice my hair looks! Now she's coming in with her better clothes and nicer hair and screwing it all up!
(This concludes the immature, whiney ranting. Thank you for your patience.)
Of course the introduction of another young, cute girl meant that I had to dress my best today. Which is how I ended up wearing a skirt and high heels on a day when it is 10 degrees below zero. I had to bring a blanket in the car to wrap around my bare legs.
You think this would make me realize I'm being an idiot and chastise myself for letting my vanity supersede my sanity. But I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet. Because I look cute.
Even though the new girl apparently doesn't start until next week.
|
Second things second: Sorry I sent you all the Happy Holidays card approximately 7,000 times a piece. I kept getting an error message when I hit the send button so I clicked it until it said it had sent the message. Apparently you only get the confirmation notice on the eighth time the greeting is sent. But don't you worry. The computer and I, we had words.
So has everyone made the requisite resolution to a) lose weight b) spend less money c) spend more time with the family or d) screw New Year's resolutions and have another beer?
I, myself (as opposed to the other "I" here), have decided to become less needy. No longer will I need others' approval and/or affection. I am my own woman and can make my choices and goals based on my own opinion and not worry about what others will think.
Right.
Good.
Oh, who am I kidding? Love me! Praise me! Tell me I'm wonderful! But, of course, tell me the truth. (Legal disclaimer: The previous statements are a slight rip off of a Shel Silverstein poem. No profits will be made by the writer by using said slight rip off. Nor does the writer intend any ill will toward the real author nor the real author's fans. The writer just does not currently have access to the proper book to properly quote the proper poem. Properly.)
I took down our fake Christmas tree on New Year's day as sort of a cleansing, out with the old, I'm sick of looking at it, sort of thing. And this year I was bound and determined, no matter what my mom said, that I would get the damn lights off the damn tree before I put it back in the damn box.
Now, this may sound like an easy task to the uninformed reader. "Why, I take my lights off the tree every year you silly goose, it shouldn't be that hard," you would say to me. I would then glare at you and probably give you the finger as I explained that this tree was bought ten years ago straight off the floor at Bachmann's After Christmas Sale. Not only did they not have the right box for the tree, but they had also "professionally" strung the lights. If someone tells you that they have "professionally" strung lights on a tree, beware. It means they are Satan and they wrapped lights around every single branch twenty times, so tightly that the green plastic covering on the wires has stretched to white and you have no hope of ever (I said EVER) getting them off again. Especially if they go out.
So every year when I take the tree down, I look at it and think, gee I wish I could reposition or replace that strand. And then I sigh and put the tree away because I know it is useless.
I don't know what got into me this year. Most likely my mom telling me I'd never get the lights off. Well, I thought, I'll be damned if I don't try.
So three hours, hundreds of cuss words and stripped fake pine needles later, I had taken the damn lights off the damn tree. My hands were covered in an unusual rash (seriously, what kind of chemicals are they putting on fake trees that can still cause rashes 10 years after you buy it?) and I stepped on several lights in stocking feet, but the damn tree is bare damn it!
I think next year I'll buy a real tree.
My company is hiring a new girl. I met her briefly last week. I am sure she is a very nice person. She recently graduated from my college. She is younger than me. And much cuter.
Bitch.
(Prepare for immature, whiney rant)
I like being the youngest, cutest girl here! I like that everyone always compliments me on my clothes and how nice my hair looks! Now she's coming in with her better clothes and nicer hair and screwing it all up!
(This concludes the immature, whiney ranting. Thank you for your patience.)
Of course the introduction of another young, cute girl meant that I had to dress my best today. Which is how I ended up wearing a skirt and high heels on a day when it is 10 degrees below zero. I had to bring a blanket in the car to wrap around my bare legs.
You think this would make me realize I'm being an idiot and chastise myself for letting my vanity supersede my sanity. But I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet. Because I look cute.
Even though the new girl apparently doesn't start until next week.
|
posted by Sun at 5:02 PM
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