#31: I'm no Indiana Jones

Everyone wants to know about my big moving to a new place "adventure." Well I'll tell you, it's not that adventurous. I wake up between 10:30 and 11 AM every day. I eat breakfast/lunch. I park myself in front of my computer and browse for jobs (read: play World of Warcraft and shop for shoes). In the late afternoon I move into the living room and watch one of the three TV stations we get because we are poor and do not have cable, often eating M&Ms straight from a one-pound bag. Sometimes, when I'm feeling dangerous, I'll pour myself a glass of grocery-store wine and drink it. In the middle of the afternoon! Because I can drink in the afternoon, for see, I am unemployed. I usually stay put in front of the television until Sir and I get hungry for dinner, at which time I go into the kitchen to boss him around, even though he is a grown man and cooked for himself the whole four months before I got here. Then I go back to my computer. Then I get sleepy. And go to bed. Doesn't the excitement of all that make y'all want to up and move, too?

Currently, I am spicing things up and sitting in front of the computer in the living room. There is bill-paying and college studying going on in the "office" (Sir's second bedroom) and I want no part in either of those things. The laziness has gotten bad, people, so bad that I have not yet put on real pants today. And it is 7:56 PM. I am currently using the excuse that it is a Saturday and even if I was a real-live contributing member of society, I would be spending the day much the same way. The only problem with that validation is that I didn't even realize it was Saturday until a few hours ago.

I really have been looking for work though, I promise. Even I know the M&M eating, middle-of-the-day drinking, pajama pants wearing days cannot continue indefinitely (at least not until I win the lottery) (or enroll in grad school full time). I've had a few nibbles from the workplace, but nothing that has been promising. Currently I am anxiously awaiting the Sunday employment section, which always provides many mind-numbing hours in front of this very laptop, copying and pasting my cover letter and resume into emails to different employers, only to realize on the 15th email that I've spelled something wrong in my cover letter. That I've copied and pasted. To 15 potential employers. Who are looking for someone with excellent copy-editing skills. D'oh.

Other than the no-job/no-money thing, I actually like it here quite well. All but two of the last eight days have been blindingly sunny and in the 50s. The two days that weren't were rainy and cold, but no snow yet! Although the fresh-faced meteorologist on ABC keeps optimistically chirping, "Maybe next week!" I've never seen a news crew so excited about the remote possibility of snow. They all act really disappointed that the snowstorm passing through Tennessee isn't going to hit us. "Oh darn! We are going to be able to get out of our driveways this weekend folks. Sorry!" This seems twisted to me, especially since one of the reasons I moved down here was that I did NOT want to see much snow.

Did you know that weather happens down south? When it rained the other day we "had some weather." Weather is apparently not something that exists all the time down here. You know, something that describes the state of the atmosphere at any given time. Instead, weather is something that happens that causes you not to see the sun anymore. It's an interesting frame of mind. One I can see myself getting behind.

Know what other interesting differences there are? The people here (and I'm talking here, where I live now. I don't presume to blanket the entire south with these observations) have no regard for speed limits. AT ALL. The speed limits are usually 65 or 70 mph on the highways around here, but ya'll, I was driving back from an interview the other day and I merged onto the highway. As one usually does, I sped up to match the speed of the cars going in the slowest, right hand lane into which I was merging. Now as I tell you the rest of this story, keep in mind that cars were still zooming past me in the three left hand lanes. A couple of miles after I merged, I glanced down at my speedometer and I was going 90 MPH. 90! People! I am prone to speed slightly, on occasion, but 30 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME MOM, I SWEAR. This is a daily occurrence on the highway (not me going 90. Other people speeding). At least it is on the days when I make it out of my PJs and away from the M&Ms. And I have not seen one person get pulled over yet. Where are all the highway patrols?

Apparently they are at the DMV. (That was a nice transition wasn't it? I have to pat myself on the back every now and then, because no one else will.) Because when I went to pick up a copy of the NC Drivers Manual, I walked in and was confronted by eight uniformed county patrol people milling about their cubes and all seeming very bored. I assume they were bored anyway, because when I walked in they all jumped from their seats and said, in unison, "How can we help you ma'am?" Now I don't know about your DMVs, but the ones I'm used to are staffed by civil servants who look like crosses between your Sunday school teacher and that crazy woman who stands on the corner telling you to repent and then takes a swig from her schnapps bottle. They are usually not in uniform and usually do not care whether they can help you or not. But these highway patrol people were ready for action. I was actually a little disappointed when there wasn't a high-spirited tussle over who got the honor of pulling a copy of the driver's manual from the desk drawer for me. I would have liked to see that.

Let's see. What other new and interesting things have I encountered? The grocery store has been a place of intrigue for me. They sell instant grits. The grits are stocked near the instant oatmeal and there are so many different flavors! I think I've had grits once in my life and probably thought it was Cream of Wheat at the time. Why would someone want to eat something called "grits" that tastes like Cream of Wheat when they can just have Cream of Wheat and call it a day? I may have to investigate further. The grocery store also sells these little desert cakes called "Moonpies," which Sir claims are the best invention since chocolate milk. I'm pretty happy with my M&Ms right now, but he may convince me to try one yet. The grocery store also sells wine (as I mentioned before), which is dangerous because a) it is cheap, b) the grocery store is within walking distance from our apartment complex and c) the M&Ms are only five rows over. Luckily Sir is good about making me get up in the morning (or afternoon) with him to go for walks and then do weights in the complex's workout room. This is the only reason I do not currently weigh 300 pounds.

So that is my exciting life people. And I do not exaggerate for your entertainment. This is what I've been doing the past nine days. Now my drive down here, that was an adventure. I'll have to tell you about it sometime, but my notes are down in my car and my car is a really far walk from my M&Ms right at this moment. You understand.

P.S. Congrats and Best Wishes to my friends M & T who will soon be boarding a plane for their own real-life adventure to New Zealand where they will be married!

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