#21: I'm dreaming of a fat-free Christmas

My size 8 pants are getting TIGHT. This is NOT GOOD. A whole LOT of NOT GOOD.

Granted, it's the holidays. Granted I haven't been working out as much as I should. But the fact that I can't even fit INTO my size 6 jeans anymore is really REALLY frustrating. The problem is, even with my horror of even entertaining the thought that I'm gaining weight again instead of losing it, I have a hard time convincing myself to go to the gym. Especially when my other option is to veg at home and fix up my apartment. Or do laundry. (Hmm, clean clothes vs. being able to fit into them...)

I just want to be able to maintain my skinny weight. I am NOT going back to double-digit sizes. I've worked too hard (up until recently, I'll admit) to go back. I've been watching what I eat this holiday season (except for an unfortunate incident involving eating pumpkin pie straight from the pie tin). So I suppose it's back to four nights a week at the gym for me. Sigh. Can I just get this one whine out of my system? But I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaa go to the gym.

I feel slightly better now. Not fitting-back-into-my-size-6 better. But slightly better still.

This year I'm getting two Christmases, one with my family and one with Sir's. It's going to be the first time I'm not at home for Christmas. I can't imagine not following the same routine I've followed for 24 years. (Ouch. That was the first time I've admitted to that age since my birthday. That hurt.) I get a little misty-eyed thinking about not having our annual drive around the neighborhood Christmas Eve to see the luminary and all the Christmas lights while listening to carols. And I can't imagine NOT opening presents on Christmas morning (Sir's family opens them on Christmas Eve). But I know at both houses that I'll be with the people I love. And that's what the holiday season is about, right?

As for my presents this year, well, all I want from Santa is for him to take back these pesky 10 lbs and health benefits. Do you think Santa covers dental?

Perhaps I should also ask Santa for a new short-term memory. This is something that happened to me last month. But it's still embarrassing. Which, naturally, means it will be funny to you.

I went to go fix my tea at work the other morning. Normally I put honey in my tea. However, that day I couldn't find any so I put just a little sugar in instead. I stirred in a little half 'n' half and then dutifully washed my spoon.

I walked back to my office and stopped to chat with my next-door-office neighbor. As I was talking, I looked down at my finger and saw there was a thick liquid on it. "Oh, I dropped some honey on my finger," I thought and, in a quick flick of the tongue, licked it up.

Before I even actually tasted it I remembered that there hadn't been any honey this morning. And that's when the soapy taste hit. A melon-y dish soap, soapy taste, which, even after rinsing with an entire bottle full of water, still sat on my tongue all afternoon.

Immediately after I recognized the taste I tried not to swallow. Unfortunately I was still having a conversation. In fact I was right in the middle of a sentence. Fun fact kids, spit and liquid dish soap mixed together make foam. I quickly excused myself and ran to my office for my water bottle. I think I accidentally swallowed some soap (luckily I didn't lick up much - IDIOT) while running for the bathroom.

Everything tasted like melon dish soap for the rest of the day. I'm never going to be able to look at a cantaloupe in the same way.

Even the thought of the smell of that soap still makes my stomach churn. I don't put honey in my tea anymore, either.

So from all (one) of us here at The Column, here's hoping you have a happy holiday season sans weight gain and that I don't eat any more dish soap until at least next year.

Happy Holidays and have a great New Year!

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