#15: Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time there was a princess who ruled over quite a lot. In fact, The Princess of Quite A Lot was her official title. She was very beautiful, very witty and very, very modest.

One day one of The Princess's best friends, Lady Yet to Be Named, came to visit her royal castle. The two royal ladies had last seen each other in the Southern Land of Carolina where the waters ran warm and the sand was white over a year ago. Over-joyed at their reunion after such a long absence, The Princess ordered a concert to be held in their honor. Rockapella, a wandering troupe of acapella singers, were happy to oblige.

Though much trepidation ensued about the exact location of the concert and proper arena in which to park the royal carriage, The Princess, The Lady and The Princess's long-time friend, The Vice-Fairy Queen and Mistress of All Things, enjoyed the performance greatly. Especially their royal subject George. Much merry-making ensued between the ladies regarding George's excellent physique and deep rumbley bass voice. All ladies agreed that George would make a fine Knight-in-training and the requisite paper work is currently being processed.

Finding that one night of celebration was not enough, The Princess ordered a four-day celebration for The Lady. And all the land rejoiced. (Yaaaay.) The Princess and Lady flitted about The Princess's kingdom (or princessdom, if you will) visiting humble tailor, printer and artisan shoppes. Though The Lady found little to interest her, The Princess swelled with pride at her subjects' talents. To show her support for the local economy and to compensate for The Lady's lack of enthusiasm, The Princess purchased several items from the shoppe owners. Though the purchases put a slight dent in The Princess's gold reserve, she felt the items were well worth having. Especially an outer garmet purchased at the Republic of the Banana, which, though extremely expensive, promised to keep her stylishly warm during the chilly spring weather.

The Princess and The Lady were also entertained by the pulchritudinous (shut up, it is too a word) knight Sir Now Appearing in this Column and his lodge-mate, The Princess's Troubadour. The gentleman attended the ladies at The Princess's favorite exotic eatery. The Troubadour entertained in a most jester-like manner by rubbing hot pepper juices into his eyes even after The Princess and Sir begged him to stop. Sir proved his bravery and high pain tolerance by battling an evil flaming candle that had dared to threaten The Princess's royal throne in her brief absence from the table.

But perhaps the greatest event that took place during the four-night reunion between the ladies was brought about by Sir's generosity. Sir's most prize possession is a Mustang, handed down to him by his father. The sleek black beauty is given the utmost care and stabled beneath Sir's castle under lock and key. The Mustang is washed gently nearly once a week and waxed nearly as often.

But on this great day, Sir offered The Princess the keys. The Princess was shocked!

The Princess, though being The Princess, had never been allowed to handle the fine beast. From time to time, she had contemplated how much fun it would be, but had never presumed to use her royal power to confiscate it, for indeed Sir loved The Mustang very much. Not that The Princess let that stop her now, since he was offering.

So The Princess and The Lady went joy-riding for an entire day, almost making to the Western border of the known lands. Many adventures were had, however due to royal proclamation, they are never to be re-told.

Suffice it to say that The Mustang was returned to Sir in one piece.

And because The Author can't think of a tie-it-all-together ending (and this story is getting ridiculously outdated): The Princess and The Lady lived Happily Ever After.

(After spending the obligated time with The Princess's royal family of course.)

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