#14: Coordination is for the weak
Dear Family,
Okay, whose side does the klutz gene come from?
Take a moment to point at the other side of the family.
Got that out of your system? Good.
Now honestly, this must have come from somewhere. I refuse to believe that I just randomly ended up being the most uncoordinated person in the universe. I mean, I can walk and talk at the same time (usually). And I can horseback ride without falling down (a lot). And I'm pretty good at dancing and not looking like an uncoordinated monkey (at least I don't think I look like an uncoordinated monkey, but feedback is always welcome).
But I simply can not work out the logistics of drinking. Every single time I go out with my friends I manage to spill something down my shirt. Beer, water, pop (yes, pop), it's all the same to me. If it's coming toward my mouth, chances are it will end up on my shirt. After the Beer Tsunami incident, the spilling of things down my shirt has repeated itself at least three or four times. My friends don't believe that I don't spill when I'm not in front of them. To them, it's the funniest running joke in the world. "Let's all stare at H until she spills!" Blink. Blink. H spills. Them: "Ha ha ha." Me: "Damn."
Yeah. Funny.
Another thing I have not seemed to master is wearing nylons. You'd think that at 23 I'd be able to wear a pair of pantyhose for an entire day without wrecking them. You'd think. But you'd be wrong. I had on a pair for approximately an hour and a half the other day before I put a HUGE run (we're talking size of my fist) in them from my butt to the back of my knee. So of course I toddled off to the bathroom and removed them. However, those nylons served the dual purpose of keeping my legs semi-warm and covering up that Minnesota white I've been working on all winter. After removing them I was just cold, pasty and cranky that my ineptness was taking its toll on my wardrobe.
I also managed to drop an entire container of garlic powder into my tea the other morning. An entire container. Of garlic powder.
At 7am, I am at my absolute least coordinated. Which is pretty damn uncoordinated. But that is also the time I most need caffeine. I poured the hot water over my tea bag and reached up into the spice cabinet to get a cube of sugar to drop into the cup. My hand reached up to the third shelf and felt around for the box. A little to the right, nope. A little to the left... ah, there it is! Grab, withdraw hand and oh, no! Mayday, mayday! Garlic powder container in the way! Retreat! Retreat! But it was too late. Kerplunk! The container fell out of the cabinet and straight into my mug.
I couldn't move. I just stared at the little plastic shaker bobbing up and down in the brown liquid and mumbled "You're an idiot." By the time I fished the container out of the cup, tea had seeped in under the cap, saturating the powder, and the garlic had given my tea an unusual tang. So I threw away the garlic and dumped the tea.
Thus is the life of a klutz. I often get bruises and wonder, "Now how did I do that?" Running into things has become such a normal occurrence in my day to day life that it doesn't even register anymore. So please tell me where this affliction came from so I can figure out how to battle it.
Love you all (even those of you this accursed....curse came from),
H
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Okay, whose side does the klutz gene come from?
Take a moment to point at the other side of the family.
Got that out of your system? Good.
Now honestly, this must have come from somewhere. I refuse to believe that I just randomly ended up being the most uncoordinated person in the universe. I mean, I can walk and talk at the same time (usually). And I can horseback ride without falling down (a lot). And I'm pretty good at dancing and not looking like an uncoordinated monkey (at least I don't think I look like an uncoordinated monkey, but feedback is always welcome).
But I simply can not work out the logistics of drinking. Every single time I go out with my friends I manage to spill something down my shirt. Beer, water, pop (yes, pop), it's all the same to me. If it's coming toward my mouth, chances are it will end up on my shirt. After the Beer Tsunami incident, the spilling of things down my shirt has repeated itself at least three or four times. My friends don't believe that I don't spill when I'm not in front of them. To them, it's the funniest running joke in the world. "Let's all stare at H until she spills!" Blink. Blink. H spills. Them: "Ha ha ha." Me: "Damn."
Yeah. Funny.
Another thing I have not seemed to master is wearing nylons. You'd think that at 23 I'd be able to wear a pair of pantyhose for an entire day without wrecking them. You'd think. But you'd be wrong. I had on a pair for approximately an hour and a half the other day before I put a HUGE run (we're talking size of my fist) in them from my butt to the back of my knee. So of course I toddled off to the bathroom and removed them. However, those nylons served the dual purpose of keeping my legs semi-warm and covering up that Minnesota white I've been working on all winter. After removing them I was just cold, pasty and cranky that my ineptness was taking its toll on my wardrobe.
I also managed to drop an entire container of garlic powder into my tea the other morning. An entire container. Of garlic powder.
At 7am, I am at my absolute least coordinated. Which is pretty damn uncoordinated. But that is also the time I most need caffeine. I poured the hot water over my tea bag and reached up into the spice cabinet to get a cube of sugar to drop into the cup. My hand reached up to the third shelf and felt around for the box. A little to the right, nope. A little to the left... ah, there it is! Grab, withdraw hand and oh, no! Mayday, mayday! Garlic powder container in the way! Retreat! Retreat! But it was too late. Kerplunk! The container fell out of the cabinet and straight into my mug.
I couldn't move. I just stared at the little plastic shaker bobbing up and down in the brown liquid and mumbled "You're an idiot." By the time I fished the container out of the cup, tea had seeped in under the cap, saturating the powder, and the garlic had given my tea an unusual tang. So I threw away the garlic and dumped the tea.
Thus is the life of a klutz. I often get bruises and wonder, "Now how did I do that?" Running into things has become such a normal occurrence in my day to day life that it doesn't even register anymore. So please tell me where this affliction came from so I can figure out how to battle it.
Love you all (even those of you this accursed....curse came from),
H
Labels: And sometimes I run into walls
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posted by Sun at 11:17 AM
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