#38: The 1,200 Miles of Christmas
Note to self: When you find yourself getting all teary-eyed while listening to "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid because it reminds you of when your best friend and you used to pretend your Barbies were mermaids and then you remember how beautiful and grown-up she looked during her first dance at her wedding, and then you think about your wedding and how amazing it will be when you hear the steel drums playing in Jamaica on your honeymoon, and oh my God, you're so in love with Sir and suddenly you're crying while listenting to a Disney song and not even a sad one. When that happens, self? It might be time to hit the Midol bottle. Hard.
Hi! Happy New Year! Hopefully you and yours enjoyed time together, decked the halls, found peace on Earth, blah, blah, blah. Sir and I drove 1,200 miles round trip to see my BFF (all of my younger relatives are rolling their eyes - "Gawd. How old is she? That is SO five years ago.") (Hush yer traps youngins.) tie the knot with her very own Jewish doctor. We should all be as lucky as she. I adore my Sir but free medical care for better or worse, richer or poorer? Sign me up! Of course The Bride did mention that when you're married to a doctor, his family also likes to take advantage of his medical knowledge, so you become privy to intimate information regarding your in-laws' bodily functions. Intimate information. Of your in-laws. Bodily. Functions. Ew. And again, ew.
One of the fun things about being there was seeing The Bride's family, who became a second family to me while I was growing up. It's always nice to hear someone else's father refer to you as their second daughter. And I got to meet my quasi-nephew (The Bride's nephew) for the very first time. He was very cute and clearly much more interested in his grandfather's glasses than me. I also got to see the Bride's grandmother again. I hadn't visited with her since The Bride's Bat Mitzvah, oh... about 13 years ago. Jared and I had just checked into the hotel after a very long and slightly tense drive. ( Remember " 'IF YOU WANT TO FIGURE IT OUT THEN BE MY GUEST SINCE I'M OBVIOUSLY CRAP AT DOING THIS JOB!' I screamed and chucked the map directly at his head." Yeah. Like that.) I had crazy-woman hair, Sir was to the point where the absolute last thing he wanted to do was talk to anybody and we had just had an argument about whether or not to valet the car. We stood silently waiting for the elevator when a group of 3 women and an older gentleman joined us in the queue. They looked familiar, but I was too tired to place them. "We recognize that bag," one of the ladies said, pointing at the welcome bag The Bride had put together for guests. "How are you related to the wedding party?"
"Oh I've known The Bride since we were very little," I said.
The older woman's eyes started to gleam. She clasped her hands together at her chest and looked up at my face. "What's your name?" She gasped, like she already knew the answer.
I slowly revealed it, trying to figure out if I knew this woman or not.
She gave a little shriek when she heard my name, threw her arms open wide and said, "H! I'M GRANDMA!!!"
Oh yes. Now I remember. The Bride's paternal grandmother. I smiled the most enthusiastic smile I could muster and returned the hug. The elevator doors opened to Sir's and my floor and I told Grandma it was good to see her and that we'd catch up the next day. I thought she was going to follow me off the elevator when one of her daughters (The Bride's aunt) pulled her back in and said "Tomorrow Ma!"
The wedding was lovely. I have to admit that watching the girl who has been a sister to me longer than my actual sister, who owned and shared with me more Barbie stuff than I still have ever seen in my entire life, walk down the aisle all grown up and shit made me feel a few very strong emotions. 1) Nostalgia. I suddenly remembered how she used to suck her pointer and middle fingers and how weird that was because I thought everyone sucked their thumb, like me. And how her mom used to fix us Ritz crackers with tuna salad on top and bring them to us while we played in the play room. I can also remember exactly what her bedroom in Minnesota smelled like - like baby powder and Cabbage Patch Kids and... her, I guess. I remember when her family moved to Florida and we got a set of her pink flannel sheets and I used to snuggle into them and think I could still smell her house. 2) Very old. Holy crap when did we all get old enough to get married and start families? 3) Panicked. I'm next. I'm officially the next and one of the very last of my friends to get married and I STILL DO NOT HAVE AN OFFICIANT OR INVITATIONS OR ANYTHING!!!
I calmed down at the reception (the open bar helped) and reveled in the fact the my BFF, The Bride looked absolutely radiant. Congrats to you. LYLAS.
The wedding was the day before Christmas Eve. While I would have loved to stay and visit with The Bride's family, the idea of spending Christmas in a place that decorates their frickin' palm trees with Christmas lights just seemed wrong. I mean it's bad enough that North Carolina probably wouldn't get any snow for Christmas, but palm trees with Christmas lights is just intrinsically wrong. So Christmas Eve, Sir, Oakley and I drove home. Yes, we had the puppy-dog with us. He's a good car rider so it wasn't bad. He did try to keep nosing his way into Sir's lap by way of my head and shoulders though. This proves my hypothesis that Oakley views Daddy as the favorite and Mommy as "No!" I've already informed Sir that if our relationship ever goes south, he gets full Oakley custody. Ungrateful dog probably wouldn't even notice I was gone.
Christmas and New Year's were quiet for us. We sat around in our PJs a lot, watched movies and took funny pictures of the pup.
Oakley hopes you had Happy F***ing Holidays.
"Haaaaaaates Mama."
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Hi! Happy New Year! Hopefully you and yours enjoyed time together, decked the halls, found peace on Earth, blah, blah, blah. Sir and I drove 1,200 miles round trip to see my BFF (all of my younger relatives are rolling their eyes - "Gawd. How old is she? That is SO five years ago.") (Hush yer traps youngins.) tie the knot with her very own Jewish doctor. We should all be as lucky as she. I adore my Sir but free medical care for better or worse, richer or poorer? Sign me up! Of course The Bride did mention that when you're married to a doctor, his family also likes to take advantage of his medical knowledge, so you become privy to intimate information regarding your in-laws' bodily functions. Intimate information. Of your in-laws. Bodily. Functions. Ew. And again, ew.
One of the fun things about being there was seeing The Bride's family, who became a second family to me while I was growing up. It's always nice to hear someone else's father refer to you as their second daughter. And I got to meet my quasi-nephew (The Bride's nephew) for the very first time. He was very cute and clearly much more interested in his grandfather's glasses than me. I also got to see the Bride's grandmother again. I hadn't visited with her since The Bride's Bat Mitzvah, oh... about 13 years ago. Jared and I had just checked into the hotel after a very long and slightly tense drive. ( Remember " 'IF YOU WANT TO FIGURE IT OUT THEN BE MY GUEST SINCE I'M OBVIOUSLY CRAP AT DOING THIS JOB!' I screamed and chucked the map directly at his head." Yeah. Like that.) I had crazy-woman hair, Sir was to the point where the absolute last thing he wanted to do was talk to anybody and we had just had an argument about whether or not to valet the car. We stood silently waiting for the elevator when a group of 3 women and an older gentleman joined us in the queue. They looked familiar, but I was too tired to place them. "We recognize that bag," one of the ladies said, pointing at the welcome bag The Bride had put together for guests. "How are you related to the wedding party?"
"Oh I've known The Bride since we were very little," I said.
The older woman's eyes started to gleam. She clasped her hands together at her chest and looked up at my face. "What's your name?" She gasped, like she already knew the answer.
I slowly revealed it, trying to figure out if I knew this woman or not.
She gave a little shriek when she heard my name, threw her arms open wide and said, "H! I'M GRANDMA!!!"
Oh yes. Now I remember. The Bride's paternal grandmother. I smiled the most enthusiastic smile I could muster and returned the hug. The elevator doors opened to Sir's and my floor and I told Grandma it was good to see her and that we'd catch up the next day. I thought she was going to follow me off the elevator when one of her daughters (The Bride's aunt) pulled her back in and said "Tomorrow Ma!"
The wedding was lovely. I have to admit that watching the girl who has been a sister to me longer than my actual sister, who owned and shared with me more Barbie stuff than I still have ever seen in my entire life, walk down the aisle all grown up and shit made me feel a few very strong emotions. 1) Nostalgia. I suddenly remembered how she used to suck her pointer and middle fingers and how weird that was because I thought everyone sucked their thumb, like me. And how her mom used to fix us Ritz crackers with tuna salad on top and bring them to us while we played in the play room. I can also remember exactly what her bedroom in Minnesota smelled like - like baby powder and Cabbage Patch Kids and... her, I guess. I remember when her family moved to Florida and we got a set of her pink flannel sheets and I used to snuggle into them and think I could still smell her house. 2) Very old. Holy crap when did we all get old enough to get married and start families? 3) Panicked. I'm next. I'm officially the next and one of the very last of my friends to get married and I STILL DO NOT HAVE AN OFFICIANT OR INVITATIONS OR ANYTHING!!!
I calmed down at the reception (the open bar helped) and reveled in the fact the my BFF, The Bride looked absolutely radiant. Congrats to you. LYLAS.
The wedding was the day before Christmas Eve. While I would have loved to stay and visit with The Bride's family, the idea of spending Christmas in a place that decorates their frickin' palm trees with Christmas lights just seemed wrong. I mean it's bad enough that North Carolina probably wouldn't get any snow for Christmas, but palm trees with Christmas lights is just intrinsically wrong. So Christmas Eve, Sir, Oakley and I drove home. Yes, we had the puppy-dog with us. He's a good car rider so it wasn't bad. He did try to keep nosing his way into Sir's lap by way of my head and shoulders though. This proves my hypothesis that Oakley views Daddy as the favorite and Mommy as "No!" I've already informed Sir that if our relationship ever goes south, he gets full Oakley custody. Ungrateful dog probably wouldn't even notice I was gone.
Christmas and New Year's were quiet for us. We sat around in our PJs a lot, watched movies and took funny pictures of the pup.
Oakley hopes you had Happy F***ing Holidays.
"Haaaaaaates Mama."
Labels: I do too have friends in real life, I'm old, Travel by Jetta
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posted by Sun at 8:00 PM
3 Comments:
Just where do they place the star on a Christmas palm tree? Do they build sandmen and have sandball fights?
Sister Sir still has all of her Barbie stuff. Sometime when you come to visit we will all play. Ask Sir how his sister conned him into playing Barbies.
GI Joe invaded, there was no playing with dolls!
And you wonder why the dog likes me better, i dont put thingies on his head and go "ohhhhh how cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!!!"
;p
Hey now Sir - I believe there were TWO people involved in wrestling Oakie into that picture. It wasn't just me!!
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